Having Done All, Stand. Eph 6:13

I have been having a VERY hard time lately. Really more of the same, just a lot more. Two jobs at my job meaning, I have two full time positions and only 40 hours in which to do the work. My home life is mostly insane. Basically there is no peace anywhere I go. It's all very chaotic. My wife has said many times that I "get to go to work" while she stays home with the kids. I've never really agreed with that because where I work is a pressure cooker with lots of money at stake, if you believe what management tells you. I believe them and I don't. I don't think decisions I make are largely responsible for us making money. I can, however, cause us to lose a lot of money. That's the fun...don't make a mistake. Ever. One of my jobs has always been that way, so I'm used to it. The other position I picked up about 9 months ago. I really like the job, but my management has no idea how much work is involved in doing this even reasonably well. Previous engineers have allowed things to slide to the point where I'm about a year behind. It's not their fault. They were forced to split time as well. The problem now is that I had to buy a next generation tool and it just came in and needs to be qualified. I'm not getting the kind of support I was hoping for, so that's an extra load. So now if my wife were to tell me that I get to go to work, I actually get angry. Where once I could go there and be under pressure but at least be dealing with logic, now the place if filled with blame-placing and grand-standing. Problem solving seems to be secondary. The game has changed and I don't think I understand the rules.
In a nut shell, I have reached the point where I can't do my job right and things are so crazy at home that no matter where I go, I'm in the wrong place and no matter what choice I make, it's the wrong one. If I dare to rest, I feel guilty and know that I will pay for my time off.
We are still living with a neighbor who hates us and continues his constant stalking and harassment. We still have bats in the attic despite ridiculous amounts of effort and money spent. So much extra garbage. Too much for me sometimes. I have been saying for a while that I feel like I'm in the valley of the shadow of death. God's rod and staff seem to be at work. God just keeps allowing these things to persist and other things to be added to the pile.
And as often happens to me (most people, I presume), when I'm this busy and distracted of mind, I haven't been praying or reading my bible almost at all. Prayer is definitely suffering. I have no peace.
A couple of days ago, I decided I'd had enough of Facebook and deactivated my account. I've given thought to telling the worship team at church not to put me on the list any more. I only play about every three months anyway. They just don't need me as a drummer. There are more than enough drummers. I also almost didn't go to the men's study on Saturday morning. Almost. I am so grateful that this bible study started. So, I went. I didn't want to and I actually planned to just sit there. Kinda checking out of my own life. Nice attitude, huh? But while I was there, God actually encouraged me. Not because I asked for it or deserved it. It's just who God is. We were talking about the soul. Specifically about its being insatiable. No matter how much we feed it, it's never full. If we were to fill it, in a short time, that would become normal and then our soul would be hungry again. Pastor was talking about Solomon as an example. He also made the point that if someone were to offer you the entire world as yours, it would be amazing for some period of time. But, as previously mentioned, that would become normal. The only way to fill your soul's hunger is with the infinite. God. God is the only one who can satisfy the hunger in our souls. While Pastor was talking about that, I was reminded of Jesus's third temptation. Satan took Jesus to the top of a mountain and showed him the whole world and offered Jesus the entire world if He would bow down to Satan. Jesus's response has always interested me. He said "Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve." Matt. 4:10. Jesus's response is more than just telling Satan that He will only worship God. I think it's also an example to us confirming that only God can fulfill us. Only the infinite God has the resources to satisfy our souls.
The exciting part of this for me isn't that God gave me that further insight into that verse of scripture. It's that God gave me anything AT ALL. I went to church with every intention of just sitting there more or less ignoring everything and then leaving. But God wanted me to know that He hasn't left my side. I know as Christians, we say that all the time. Scripture reinforces it. But when you are in one of the darkest times of your life and you wonder why God doesn't make it all stop and give you a break, something as simple as this little insight can bring you back up so you feel like your head is above water again. We are still in the valley. God hasn't led us out yet. But He's still leading us, when we allow Him to that is. God is faithful.



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I was cleaning the kitchen tonight and as usually happens I started having just random thoughts. Eventually, I rolled around to thinking a bit about what we studied on Wednesday at church. Pastor was talking about God's grace and how we'll spend a lot/most/all of eternity making sense of God's mercy and grace. So then I started thinking about this phone call I heard on Pastor's Perspective radio program. A kid called in and asked why God put the "decision tree" in the garden of eden. I love that he called it the decision tree. I don't remember what their answer was. I know I've answered this question myself a bunch of times. Usually the answer is something like "God gave us choice because then we would be free to choose to love Him" or "He could have made us robots, but that's not love" or something similar. Here's where my mind took that...
It was more than that. He put that tree there so that He could send Jesus for us. Consider that God is outside time. He knows the end from the beginning. The Bible tells us that the plan of salvation was set in motion from the beginning of time. Is. 46:9-10 for example. And Isaiah 48. And Acts 15:18. And especially Eph. 3:9-12. There are many more.
So, He knew Lucifer would rebel. He knew Adam would sin if given the chance. He knew that we'd need redemption. God gave us the Law, knowing we couldn't keep it. There are the sacrificial laws and the scapegoat. Couldn't that have been enough? If God had said so, it could have been. We can't/don't keep the Law, but the sacrifices covered our sins. But God chose instead to send His Son to die once for all. Why was this done? I think not just to fulfill the Law, but to show us how much He loves His creation. It's difficult enough to really comprehend what it means that Jesus came and died for our sins...though watching the Passion of the Christ is a start. I still haven't gotten through that movie. We'll spend eternity coming to grips with the magnitude of Jesus's sacrifice for us. Without the Cross, would you even be able to see God as loving? No, we needed to have a choice in the garden in order to get a glimpse God's love for us even in the limited way in which we probably do.

Maybe that's how we should think of all the choices we have to make every day. God is putting us in a situation where we need to make a choice so He can show us how He loves us. Both the blessings He pours out and the way He sustains us in difficulty.

We choose to do what pleases God because we love Him. And He gives us choices so that He can show us what Love really is....from the foundation of the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2j0rYJI37yg


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This morning I read today's devotion from InTouch.org on the recommendation of a friend. It references Heb 2:14-18. The theme of it surrounds Christmas and keeping our focus on Christ and His great gift of salvation to us. And it is sooo important to keep that in mind over the next month. I read a lot of posts yesterday and the day before about folks going shopping for all the Black Friday sales. I don't go because I hate crowds like that and it brings out the crazies who really do care more about the loot and the pursuit than they do about the birth of the Savior of the world. Their Savior. And they're missing Him. I don't deal well with people pushing and shoving and cursing, etc over "stuff". And I don't think my true Christian friends are going out shopping so they can replace Christ with their gadgets. Some people like the crowds. Others just want to get the most for their money...the sales really are good. I really don't think they are losing their grip on the meaning of Christmas.
The devotion also reminded us all to keep that gift in mind...and to open it if we never have. But what I liked best was Heb 2:15 "and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives." I like this part on a couple of levels. First and most obvious, is before we were saved, we had this deep fear of death. What would happen after I die? Is there a Hell, and do I have to go? How bad is it? Some tell themselves there's nothing. I don't get that. I don't understand how you could convince yourself of that. I've never met a real anarchist. Someone who doesn't think anyone should rule over anyone else. Seems to me that ultimately someone ends up making the rules...God. If God's not real, why do we have any sense of right and wrong? Why be offended by anything? Survival of the fittest, right? You can't be mad at me for beating you down...it's just what we do.
No, we all have a built in sense of right and wrong. Good and evil, if you will. That comes from somewhere. Eccl. 3:11 says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men's hears and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end." (Amplified) That's where it comes from. God has planted in us a sense that there's more, but we don't fully understand it. That's why you hear people after they are saved tell you that they are complete. The hole is whole again. What was dead is now alive. What was lost, was wandering, is found, has purpose.

The second level I like this passage on is something I've been hearing at church for the last month or so. The verse says that we are freed from the slavery caused by fear of death. I think it's just as reasonable to interpret that as freedom from a works-based salvation. There are whole religions built on this concept. Or do you say that religion is that...works-based salvation? I mean, you go through your whole life keeping a scorecard of rights and wrongs and hope you come out with more rights so you can make your argument to God. A simple step back should tell you how stupid that is. It's all based on what you think is right or wrong. If you read the Bible and compare yourself to Jesus, as you should if you think working will get you into Heaven...He's the standard, you would give up right away. So, you don't. You compare yourself to the "real scumbag down the road" or in the news. No way you're that bad. So now you're good? Hmmm.
My mother is a good example of the damage that thinking does. Her guilt complex is unmatched by anyone else I know. That's religion. "I've never done anything right. I'm a bad person. God can't forgive all the bad I've done. Even if He figures out how, I can't." There's a fair amount of fishing going on in those thoughts too. "Please, someone tell me I'm not bad." We all do that. We want affirmation. But we look for it in people. I suspect it's because they are near, physically. We can see them. And if we aren't walking in the Spirit, we lose sight of the fact that Jesus is always with us, always near. And He sees us as infinitely valuable. Valuable enough to leave His throne in Heaven and come to Earth and live 33 years as a man only to die a horrible death, rejected by those He came to save. And this was the plan from the beginning of time. You're valuable...just make sure you're asking the right person.
You and I can be free from the slavery of trying to be good. Free from saying, "Tomorrow I wake up and get going on my Christianity. I'm gonna pray more, read more and be a better Christian." Praying and reading God's Word are critical things for staying in God's will for you and understanding who Jesus is. But they aren't items you check off on your daily quest to be a better Christian. As Pastor Nick was saying all through his study of Galatians, it's never Jesus and... There's nothing to be added. It's just Jesus. Want freedom? Jesus. Examine His life. He was free to bless whom He would. Free to choose death over His life. Jesus was free because He was in communion with the Father and knew what the Father wanted. Not hindered by what others thought of Him. Not trying to work on being sinless. Not reminding Himself to say the right thing or perform the right ritual at the right moment.
Realize that through Jesus, you are free. You don't have to fulfill the law. Jesus did that for you. Be free from the fear of death.


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Wah, Wah, Wah. Boo hoo. Woe is me.

How's that?

In the post I just published, I mentioned Kelli's surgery was postponed, the dog bit my kid, I want to quit my job...what else?
Oh yeah, Josh and Elijah are sick. This is a parade of pain and sadness.
Got to fight with my neighbor again. Not the way I'd like. He runs in the house when I just stand there and accept his inevitable challenge. I'm not walking away anymore. If he wants to fight, so be it. I'm in. I'm done listening to him. And it's kinda funny to watch him walk as fast as he can into the house all the while telling me how he's going to come down and beat me up. I just wait a short time for him to come back out. He doesn't.
Today's fun was over a stake I put in the ground at the corner of the property. I should call it the hot corner. He's obsessed with that little part of my yard. He thinks its his or at least part of the right-of-way. He's wrong, of course. That corner actually marks the beginning of the right-of-way. So anyway, he piles his bagged leaves and piles of sticks right on the line. He has a small boulder that he rolled there. During the winter, he leaves that stuff there. So, I need a tall stake that I can use as a reference when snow-blowing. I don't want to hit that rock. It'll damage my snow blower. So I put the stake there. He went nuts the second I was out there. I don't think I hit it twice with the hammer before he came out. Naturally he told me I'd have to move it when he got his dumpster this weekend. Been hearing about the dumpster for maybe two years now. I don't have to move it because the dumpster can't go where the stake is...it's my property and no dumpster is going there. The funniest part of the whole thing is he says I'm blocking the right-of-way. The stake I put in is about 4 inches from the boulder he put there last summer. So even if I did remove the stake, his boulder is still there. What's interesting is I hardly care anymore. Used to be I'd be all stressed out for a couple days. Not now. I figure he might do something to my car or maybe pull the stake out like he did before. Whatever. I took a picture of the stake in the ground so I have a reference. That was funny too. He went ballistic when I took the picture.
So we have that nonsense and then the boys come home. Kelli and I are planning child care for tomorrow. The she calls the Dr to see if she can take her pain meds through the night. The topic of thrush comes up and he tells her she can't have surgery while she has thrush. She couldn't be more disappointed.
Then Josh says he is tired. Take his temp, yup...fever. AWESOME! Elijah too. Why not?

Lily...what to do? I want to get rid of her. She stresses me out under the best circumstances. Now she's bit one of my kids. She's always been stubborn. Now she's becoming possessive. I don't like it. We have a family that is interested in her. But Kelli doesn't want to give her up just yet. We need to talk.

But, we're still here. God is still God. And I'm not giving up. I have in the past. I'd tell God he sucks because He isn't doing what I want. He can't be real if my life is going this wrong. Or He just doesn't care about me. I'm trying to learn what I can now. I know I will learn later.

I am too tired to think. Goodnight.


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Oct. 16
This is a pretty rough time for me and mine. Spring was a pretty good time for us. The Lord worked a miracle and we were able to get our home updated...roof, siding, windows, fence, the shower wall fixed. I got a decent raise at work so we got rid of my car, which I was learning to hate, and got Kelli a mini-van. Wow, that thing is amazing. Totally love it. As the summer wore on, things got more stressful. Of course, the neighbor could only hold out so long. Flipping us off, cursing at Kelli. I reported him to the police. We were going to go to a lawyer, but never did. At this point, I'm not going to bother. He can curse all he wants. I've called him out twice and he won't come. So, he's just gonna spew his garbage and nothing more.
Kelli and I have fought a lot. Don't really have a good reason. I guess I'm more stressed than normal. Work is horrible. I have 2 full time jobs. One of them, Reticle Engineer, I started in March. It's supposed to be a part time job if you ask management. Though they admit it can't actually be done part time. But that's what it is on the books. Even still, I own one of the most difficult processes in Lithography. So how could I add even a part time job to that? But that's how it is. For me and for many of my co-workers. I really like the Reticle job. I don't really care any more. I LOVE my job. More than any I've ever had. And I love my manager. So, I'll feel bad if I leave, but I want a job that I don't bring home. One that doesn't ask me to make million dollar decisions for a salary that's barely adequate for the Hudson Valley.
So while all that's going on, our dog has developed some sort of allergy. She can't stop chewing/licking herself..mostly paws. So, she's been wearing a cone and taking meds since mid-August. And she hasn't learned a thing since we got her in June. I don't like this dog. She stresses me out. We'll keep her because Kelli and the kids like her. I have no patience for a dog. So, of course, we're dog sitting this weekend. A 9-week-old lab. She's peed and pooped in the house several times. You can imagine how that works in my head.
UPDATE: Oct 19. So, Lily bit Elijah in the face last night. It might have been her claw, can't really tell. He's fine. Small cut under his eye. One on his lip. The rest looks like a scrape. Now I want to hit the dog with a shovel...but I won't. There is one family that is interested in her, but Kelli isn't sure she wants to get rid of the dog.
My 5-year-old is still insane. Jumping, spinning, falling all day, every day. Now he's got something going on where he's wetting his pants and bed. He doesn't even seem to care. He'll sit in his wet pants til we notice.
The 2-year-old is in a big-boy bed, which is exciting. He still isn't sleeping through the night. That's why we put him in the big-boy bed. See, Kelli is sick.
Kelli has been battling back pain for a few weeks. I thought it might be from sitting on the couch and turning her body 90-degrees to use the computer. Not great for your spine. Then she started having abdominal pain. Finally she couldn't take it any more and we went to the emergency room (she wouldn't make a Dr appt). After much testing and two or three Dr appts, she found out her gall bladder isn't working any more. So, she'll have to have surgery next week.
UPDATE: Oct. 19. Kelli's surgery has been postponed due to the thrush she got for taking an antibiotic last week. Another week like this for her.
In the middle of that, I backed Kelli's shiny, black van into a pole at the mall. So, had to take that in for repairs. $600 by the time we're done with the rental. Funny thing is, I probably could have gotten away without the rental. I've been working from home for the past week to take care of the kids and chauffeur Kelli around. I think I've done 15 loads of laundry in the past week. I'm down to 2 or 3 loads. I'd really like to finish them today. Declare victory in one thing. Of course I haven't put my or Kelli's clothes away. But they are folded neatly-ish. It's an improvement.
I'm basically losing my mind. My body is wrecked. I haven't been to church in 2 weeks.

Not to be selfish, but do you ever wonder if the trials someone close to you might be as much or more for your benefit? I was talking to a good friend the other day about this. I wonder if my family isn't going through this just to teach me to give up. I give up all the time. I tell God, "I can't do this. I can't take any more. I can't carry any more weight." "I know," He says. "You know this stuff...
Mat 11:28  Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Mat 11:30  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

I do know that. I just don't know how to apply it. I'm used to carrying the weight of my world. Giving it up feels like quitting or shirking. Not my style. But, you know, rest sounds pretty good.


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I'm not sure if I've written about this before. But those who know me know the story. I have a difficult neighbor. He flat out hates everything. Ever met anyone like that? Not just unhappy. Driven to make others miserable. Usually we say his life didn't turn out the way he planned and he's taking it out on everyone. That could be. If I say it that way, I feel a little more justified disliking him...makes it his fault. However, if you consider the demon possessed boy in Mark 9, perhaps it's something more. I don't want to suggest necessarily that my neighbor is demon possessed though he could be, but he's at least oppressed.
He reminds me of my step-father. A life-long drinker and drug addict who was given to fits of rage. The only time he was calm was when he smoked his pot. At any other time, he was mad because he wasn't high and had to think about how his life was going or he was drunk and unpredictable and sometimes violent. That might have a lot to do with my reaction to my neighbor...they are very similar personalities. I grew up watching my back, tiptoeing around wondering what was next. On a side note, I don't feel bad about my childhood. God has used it to help me connect with troubled teens. It's eye-opening for someone with a tough home to say to me, "You don't know what it's like" (I'm an average, nerd kinda guy) and be able to say that you really do and share a bit of your experience with them. Helps them to know they aren't alone. They aren't worthless. They don't have to stay broken. They are loved and understood. I hope He uses it again. One soul saved is worth it.

Look at Mark 9:14-30. The spirit caused the boy to be totally out of his own control. Wallowing on the ground, gnashing his teeth. Mk 9:18 says "wheresoever it taketh him, it dasheth him down;" How hopeless sounding. No matter where the boy looked or went, he was going down. It also says the spirit caused him to pine away. Webster's defines pining this way, "1. To languish; to lose flesh or wear away under any distress of anxiety of mind; 2. To languish with desire; to waste away with longing for something." I've heard my neighbor screaming at his dogs from inside the house. Screaming at (or about) us. He talks to his dead mother. Another neighbor heard him carry on a 30 minute conversation with his mother the other day. A couple days ago, his hose burst. Our other neighbor went over to tell him that water was going everywhere and he came out, saw the hose and started screaming and ranting. Then he gets on the phone and yells at whoever, I think it was his wife, that he's sick of us wrecking his stuff, coming on his property, and on and on...none of which is true of course. I've never seen him happy.

In Mark 9:19, Jesus says of the boy, "bring him to me." In Mark 9:29, Jesus says of the tormenting spirit, "this kind can come out by nothing, save by prayer." I notice He didn't say that only He, Jesus, could deliver this man. That we mere humans could do nothing. He didn't pat the disciples on the head and say, "That's okay. You could never have done this." We can pray. All the things Jesus did, He did through prayer and the Holy Spirit. The same Holy Spirit who indwells us. The same power is accessible to us. Phil 4:13, " I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

My wife and I have been collecting evidence to see if we can get a restraining order or order of protection against him. My wife gets pretty frightened sometimes when she's here without me. We've got police reports from the calls we've made. Videos of him making threatening and obscene gestures. We could probably get character witnesses too...it's not just us that he doesn't like. It's the whole neighborhood. I often feel trapped between the need to protect my family from what he might do and my questions about how to show him God's love. He's completely unreasonable so I can't talk to him directly. Jesus went on being Jesus and loving people right in front of the pharisees who were always after Him. He was never dissuaded or distracted by them.
My neighbor's obviously tormented and not under his own control much of the time. Whether by choice from drinking or because he's being demonically oppressed, he's a troubled man. Jesus prayed for the troubled and tormented.

That's where I find myself tonight. I have this evidence. I could take it to a lawyer and bring my neighbor to the judge. Or I could pray...I mean really pray like I've never done before and bring him to Jesus.


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Everyone's writing about it...why shouldn't I? Harold Camping has predicted May 21, 2011 as the rapture. Doubtful. Though, it could be tomorrow. I see no reason why it can't be. Most people are saying it can't be because Mr. Camping said it is. I don't think that disqualifies the day as if the Father is in heaven going, "Oh, great. Now I have to change the day. Good thing I was the only one who knew. At least I don't have to un-tell anyone." If he were right, doesn't change a thing. Harold Camping won't be standing at heaven's gate saying, "I told you so." It would amount to a lucky guess. But then, maybe God won't allow anyone to publicly guess the date and make a mockery of His Word to those who are left. Those who are left are pretty likely to make a mockery anyway.
Isn't it fun to see what goes on in my head all day?
Anyway, despite not believing Mr. Camping, I find myself asking if I'm actually ready. And then Bible study on Wednesday...same thing (and WOW, I'm so grateful that Nick is with us.).
Does God use people like Mr. Camping to remind us to look up? I get really busy with everyday life. I study the Bible. I go to church. I serve. But am I looking for Jesus through all that? I'm really not...not like I should. I ABSOLUTELY want Him to rescue me. Especially lately at work. I'm in a "I hate my job" cycle right now. There is way too much to do and the company knows it and flat out does not care. When I ask for help setting priorities and expectations I get almost no answer. So, I want Jesus to call me home. But not because I want to be with Him. Or not just because. That's where I want my heart to be. Wanting just Jesus. Just because He's the savior of my soul. Not because He can rescue me from my current troubles.
I've never been one to sit and ponder Heaven. I'm not sure why. I tend to be a pragmatist. It's how my mind works. But that gets in the way of what could be an amazing time of fellowship with the Lord. Contemplating and meditating on eternity with God. In His presence. Worshiping Him. Surrounded by His love. I mean...is there anything "practical" about that? No. But is it amazing? Encouraging? Worth thinking about? Uh, YES!

So, thanks (sorta) Mr. Camping. While you are totally wrong about so many things with respect to your prediction, perhaps you made some people think more seriously about the Rapture and how we are indeed approaching the end of the world.

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My wife and I recently refinanced our home to get away from an evil bank and have our mortgage at the bank we use. So I had to call the insurance company for some paperwork. I met the nicest lady on the phone. Her name is Pat. We were lamenting technology while we waited for her computer to catch up with her request and I mentioned that I still write with paper and pencil when I study the Bible. When she heard me say that, she asked if I was a believer, to which I replied, "Yes." So we talked about how the Lord brings people into our lives every day and how that can be so encouraging sometimes. When I mentioned that I teach a Bible Study at work, we started talking about witnessing at work. Apparently some of her friends get kinda militant and tell her she should be standing in the aisles shouting, "Repent!" She disagrees. Me too. My Bible sits on my desk and I read it during lunch, when I get a lunch. I don't tend to hit people with it. I'd rather be an example. Be the best employee I can be. Be compassionate to coworkers. Handle the stress without a meltdown.
That's what Pat is like. She was completely polite, helpful and cheerful while we were on the phone...and that was before she knew I was a Christian. And she left me with what she calls a Pat-ism. While her friends were telling her that she should be shouting from the rooftops, she reminded them that...
"I've never known a light bulb to make a sound."


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I wasn't going to go to church this morning. I'm really not feeling well. But, my middle son was singing a song with the Sunday School class, so I wanted to go. I'm glad I did (as usual).

Pastor is going through the Gospel of Mark. We're nearing the end. He was teaching chapter 15 today. Mostly concentrating on the utterly ridiculous "trial" of Jesus before Pilate. I mean, please. The chief priests violated nearly every rule of the Jewish law surrounding trials and accusations. Toward the end of service, Pastor talked a little about the scourging of Jesus.He didn't go into it much other than to ask, "Why the scourging when Jesus was going to be crucified?" Why did the Father allow him to be scourged as well? There's quite a bit of prophecy talking about it, so you know it has to happen. But why? Pastor gave the answer I have heard whenever the question is asked. "Because that is what my sin deserved." While I agree, I think there's more. When I watched the Passion - which I can't get through - I was sickened by the beating and scourging scene. Not the blood. With any movie which has a scene like that in it, there's one in Casino too where a guy gets beaten nearly to death with a bat, for some reason the part that gets me is I associate with the victim. You know, imagining what the person must be going through. Don't ask me why I do this, I have no idea. In the Passion, they show Jesus being beaten with rods and then the scourging. He's basically turned to hamburger. And at one point, I thought it was over until they show the guard (or whoever he is) motion to turn Jesus over and continue the scourging to his belly. When that part started, I couldn't watch. What came to mind was not only why did He do this for me, but, "How does one human being do that to another?" Pilate's motivation may have been to try to get the priests to relent, but the men doing the scourging simply didn't care. Perhaps they used the excuse that they were following orders. But scripture says they mocked, spit, punched, etc. They enjoyed it.
And I think that's one reason why Jesus was scourged. To demonstrate what man without God is capable of. We are NOT moral. We do NOT have any good in us. Only in the absence of God could a man disregard one of God's creations in such a way.
And then God began to point out to me how I treat my kids. Especially my eldest. I yell a lot. They misbehave, I yell. God told me that when I do that, I am scourging my kids. I am thinking of myself and what I want them to do or how I want them to act. They don't need to be treated that way. Yes, it's my job to discipline them and to raise them to be respectful, obedient, etc. But I am the grown up and a mature Christian. I should be demonstrating the fruits of the Spirit even in disciplining the kids.
They are God's creation and need guidance, not a scourging.


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I'm teaching a bible study at work. We did Jude first, so I thought I'd post my notes.

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This question plagues people. Especially those used to works-based religion. But I just read 2 Peter 1:1-10.
It seems pretty clear. We are given everything we need pertaining to life and godliness through the knowledge of him that called us. That's God. How do we know God? Through Jesus. Watch what He did, how He acted. He's the human definition of the character of God.
Verse 5-7 say to add to your faith in Jesus virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, charity.
Verse 8 says that if you have these things in you, you won't be unfruitful in the knowledge of Jesus.

I looked up some of these things in the dictionary.
Virtue - a : conformity to a standard of right : morality b : a particular moral excellence. 
Knowledge -  the fact or condition of knowing something with familiarity gained through experience or association
Temperance - moderation in action, thought, or feeling 
Patience -
1: bearing trials calmly or without complaint
2: forbearance under provocation or strain
3: not hasty or impetuous
4: steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity
5a: able or willing to bear
Godliness - devout to God
Brotherly Kindness - putting others first (my definition)
Charity - Love



So, if we have things things in our lives consistently (v8 "and abound"), we will be getting to know our Lord and Savior and we can be sure that we are abiding in Him and have eternal life. I'm glad it says "and abound" because that works out whether I am trying to do this in my own strength. For surely if I do I fail.
Anyway, I read that and thought I'd share.


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 A couple of things have conspired today to make me write this post. Not the least of which was a friend who said, "I haven't seen anything new on your blog lately." Quite true. I haven't made time. Well, I am now.
Another friend, who I haven't seen in a while, posted a song for me on facebook. An amazing song by MercyMe entitled Be My Love. The song is about Jesus asking his disciples, that's you and me if you are a follower of Jesus, to be His love to this world. I would buy their new album just for that song. It's that good, or it is to me because it has a lot of meaning since my friend sent it to me. So then I got to thinking about the song and am I being His love. Certainly I study about it and have for many years. But it's been on my mind that I don't do anything about it. So, until I "do" something, which has to do with me getting involved at church, I can be His love to the people around me. In whatever way the Holy Spirit prompts me throughout the day.

Also today, God revealed to me that I have, or have begun, to experience Romans 8:28. A while back, I left a church that a bunch of people I was close to had started. Most of those people had already left for one reason or another. I don't see or talk to most of those people often. We all went in different directions. As I exchanged emails with the friend who shared that song with me, I was lamenting that I missed my friends and I wish we were all together still. But then the Holy Spirit showed me that perhaps we were being sprinkled like the salt we are supposed to be. So that rather than staying all huddled together, this bunch of mature Christians has been spread out to help the younger. I thought I was being kooky when I wrote it, but she says no...that's the Lord.

So, then I'm reading Jesus Freaks by DC Talk (stop laughing). And after one of the stories, it's about martyrs, was a question and a verse. Question: What does a Jesus Freak do when betrayed by someone close to them? They show them God's love.
Verse: Love [God's love in us]...takes no account of the evil done to it - pays no attention to a suffered wrong...Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances and it endures everything [without weakening]. 1 Cor. 13:5,7 (Amplified version).
How I read that is, "Get over it." Stop holding on to the past. Forgive, move on. Be used of God. Because, if you can't, how can you do the first thing I showed you - Be My Love?


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Here's the question:
Who is/was the most influential man in your life? Tell us about him? 

I'm going to answer this and then change a word and answer further. You'll see why. It's probably going to be a bit lengthy, but it needs to be.
Probably the most influential man in my life is my stepfather. That is simply because he was the one around during my formative years. My mother and father divorced when I was young and my memories of my father when I was a child are him tolerating our weekend visits. Those memories are likely viewed through foggy, skeptical glasses. But the fact remains that we weren't close until I was in my late 20's. We don't talk often, but he knows I love him because I told him nearly causing a heart attack and I know he loves me because he smiles when we're around each other. For me, that's a good story, but he's not much of an influence on me.
My stepfather was. And not for the good in most instances. He is/was an alcoholic and drug addict. He was mean. He was unable to be happy, so he made sure no one else was either. He said it out loud once that was his goal. There was constant fear and anger in our home. I didn't leave until I was 21 except for 2 years of college.
Gee, Mark. That's cheery. Thanks for sharing.
Here's why I tell you that small part of my youth. Because without that man in the house, I wouldn't have ended up in church or meeting the men who inspire me. I say inspire rather than influence because when I look at my life, I see more stepfather than these men. But I want to be more like them as they exhibit Jesus Christ in their lives.
My stepfather's family was very involved in their local church. So, we went. At some point, we stopped going to their church and began attending Calvary Chapel of the Finger Lakes. Bil Gallatin was the pastor then. He taught the Word of God straight up. Line by Line. Here's what it says. Here's what it means. Here's how to apply it. Never mind opinion...just God's Word. That's still the only way I want to hear the Bible taught.
My mother forced me to go to youth group. That's where I met Ray and Brian. Two men who are only a couple of years older than me, but always lived with integrity and honesty about who they are, making no excuses or compromises. They just love Jesus with all their hearts.
That's also where I met the Capozzi family. They basically adopted me. They called me their Sunday son. Nearly every Sunday after church, I would go to their home and do chores, play sports, just be part of the family. That family holds a big part of my heart. Their youngest son, Ken, is a couple years older than me and is my best friend. We are truly brothers from a different mother. I think we talk once a year. But we always just pick up where we left off. No offense, no "you'd call if you were my friend" nonsense. Brother's in Christ first. I watched Ken struggle with some of the same stuff I do. And he was victorious in areas I never was. He has an amazing family of his own with a wife and kids who love Jesus. He's hard working and honest. I admire him greatly.
Kens older bother I didn't see often. He was already married and had kids when I met him. In him, I saw some of the most amazing grace and mercy in parenting I've ever witnessed. He's a HUGE man. Real lumberjack looking...like he could break me like a twig. Watching him with his kids was amazing. More so now that I have my own and know how easily they can get under your skin. But he never lost his temper. There was always love, even in discipline. He's an inspiration for how I would like to be as a father.
Then there's Pa Capozzi. Godly, honest, forthright, funny, loving. His children and grand-children are a testament to his (and his wife's) success in this world. I love to remember him sitting in his kitchen listening to Under Midnight. It's a Christian band from the early 90's. Industrial Rock (think Nine Inch Nails). But the album tells the story of redemption. He listened to it and said he liked it...maybe not the music particularly, but the story. If it glorified God, he was in.

Those are the men in my life that inspire me. I pray that the qualities of Christ that they exhibit will become more of an influence in my life.

That wasn't so long, was it?


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I haven't written in quite a while. But this one's really interesting to me b/c I have similar questions that I can't answer.

Here's a link to the topic. There's too much to copy to this post.
http://tink38570.angelfire.com/familiesagain/index.blog?topic_id=1066106

Here's the gist:
Are there certain folks that should not be allowed into a church because of their sinful behavior?

My Response:
I actually do think there are people who shouldn't be allowed in a church due to their behavior. I am thinking of pedophiles. However, I should temper that by saying that the church I grew up in had an individual who was gay and worked in the children's program. The individual was confronted and removed from the ministry (not the church). After a period of time and counseling, the person said that things weren't going to change (unrepentant) so the individual was asked not to return to the church for the safety of the children. It was sad because that was a friend of mine, but it was done in a biblical way. Obviously, there's a ton of background that I won't go into, but suffice it to say that this was repetitive, sinful behavior that can't be tolerated and it threatened the kids.

So do I think that homosexuals, or any other person for that matter, shouldn't be allowed in church? NO! That's sanctimonious and ridiculous. The instance above was a specific situation of repeated, unrepentant behavior. And I think that holds for any sin. I don't like sin lists. They tend to imply that a murderer is worse than another person. But Jesus said that if you are angry with someone without cause, you are in danger of the same judgment Matt 5:21-22. All have sinned and missed the mark, Rom 3:23. And forgiveness is available to "whosoever shall believe in Him." John 3:16.

Here's what I think question is/should be...how long does the church tolerate the behavior? Forgiveness just keeps on a-comin', which is good, because we all fall and some of us fall for the same thing over and over again. The point is that there must be evidence of repentance and effort to grow in Christ. If that's not the case, certainly the person isn't fit for ministry in the church. You can read First and Second Timothy for behavior and qualifications for those who serve.
I have heard a lot recently about the "new Christianity" where showing love to everyone is the main focus. What I haven't seen is a direct answer from these people about their stand on sin and how it is to be dealt with in the church. You just get, "We just love everyone. We want people to know they are welcome."
I don't see that as new, really. That's what Jesus did. I would point out the woman at the well and especially the woman caught in adultery as relevant to this discussion. When Jesus met the woman at the well, he was treating her with respect just by talking to her. In that culture, a Jew wouldn't have spoken to a Samaritan. In fact, they would not have gone that route to get to Galilee, they would have gone around Samaria. In Mark 7:24-30, Jesus goes all the way out to Tyre and Sidon to heal the Syrophenician woman's daughter. His life was lived loving everyone, not just his friends or just Jews.
The woman caught in the act of adultery in John 8:1-11 offers, I think, a good answer to the question about whether certain people should be in the church and what it means to love others as it relates to this "new" Christianity. This woman was clearly caught in sin. Jesus doesn't really say much during this interaction. The Scribes and Pharisees want to stone her and they wanted Jesus to sanction it. Rather He asked them, in so many words, what gave them the right to judge and execute her? Then in Jn 8:11, He tells the woman that He doesn't condemn her and that she is to go and sin no more. In my opinion that is what's lacking in many churches and relationships today. The willingness to tell someone to stop sinning (in humility) and then of course the maturity of the person on the receiving end to appreciate the rebuke and learn/repent/grow from the situation. It's an extremely difficult thing to do well. And I have found that if you are going to be that kind of Christian, you will lose a lot of friends. But if God is telling you to warn that person, you need to do it.

I could go on and on as usual, but I will just net out my feelings on this. I think anyone should be welcome in church (Jesus came to heal the sick, not the well). However, if a person is living in open, unrepentant sin, it must be dealt with. Read 1 Cor 5:1-13. But be careful. Certainly Paul talks about removing the person living in sin, but the idea is to restore the person. What's at issue is living in sin and not being repentant. When there's repentance there must be restoration. And don't we owe it to people to lead them to repentance and a closer relationship with their Savior?



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I don't know if anyone even reads my blog anymore as I write so infrequently. My apologies. I'm exhausted. I just haven't taken time to write. I'm not reading my Bible as much as I was. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. I've allowed busy work and home to get in the way. Pray for me. I'm digging out and making a schedule (yes, I need to schedule every minute if I am to get anything done.) so that I make time to write at least once a week. I think that's a decent goal...once a week. I could probably write every day if I wanted this to just be about my happenings, but I don't. The idea was that I would share what God was teaching me in His Word. Gonna stick with that. I like what Pastor Jack Abeelen says. He believes that he's a pastor because God knew he wouldn't study his bible or go to church like he should if he wasn't.
While you are praying for me to get off my butt, pray with me about a Bible study at work. I know a fair number of Christians there -  a huge blessing, really. And I was thinking I would poll them to see if they would be interested. Or maybe I should just study, schedule a room and tell them I'll be there if they are interested. Hmmm. Just thought of that.

Anyway. I'm not gone. Haven't given up. Just tired and disorganized and haven't taken the time to write.

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Some folks say at conception, others say at birth, and still more have answers that are in between. What do you think?

I get the argument for conception and birth. In between? What could that mean? Anyway...

Jeremiah 1:4-5 says, "Then the word of the LORD came unto me, saying, Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations."

And Psa 139:13  For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.


So, God being who He is, has a plan for us before we are even conceived. And He is watching over us in the womb. So, from a human perspective, I would have to say that life as we understand it begins at conception. At the conception of the life, God's plan has kicked into action and He's concerned about us.




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A simple, unrelated question after completing a post that took me forever.

Doesn't the fact that people spend so much time, money, energy trying to figure out where it all started and/or why we are here prove that God exists? If we evolved, who cares why we are here? What difference would it make? Would we even ask the question? I don't see my cats spending their energy on this. Only man does.

My answer is that we were created in God's image. Sin corrupted that and now the connection to God that we were intended to have is broken and we're uncomfortable. Jesus gave us THE way to repair that connection.

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Recall from the intro to Part 1, that this writing stemmed from a discussion that took place about proof that one is saved. One of the people believed that you had to speak in tongues if you were saved.

Where does this argument even come from? It has been brought to my attention (because I have never been in a church that espoused this belief) that the basis for tongues = salvation comes from Acts Chapter 2, which tells us about the Day of Pentecost.

What happened on the Day of Pentecost? Essentially, the 120 or so believers, that's important, that were in a room were filled with the Holy Spirit and they “began to speak in other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.” Among them were the apostles. These men and women made up the church. Where church = group of believers. The church didn't start at the day of Pentecost. Being filled with the Holy Spirit began that day. Those who confessed that Jesus is the Christ constituted the early church. Jesus refers to the church first in Matt 16:18 stating that upon Peter's confession that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God, the church will be built. Jesus makes a second reference to the church in Matt 18:17 when he discusses church discipline. If a church didn't exist, why talk about it as if it does.
These people believed in Christ as the son of God and their redeemer. Again with the thief on the cross next to Jesus. He was promised that he would be in paradise that day. He was saved, yet without being filled with the Holy Ghost.

The other people in attendance on the day of Pentecost were the devout Jews who lived in Jerusalem. They had returned from all over the place. 17 countries are mentioned in Acts 2:9-11. And what did they hear? Did they hear unknown tongues? No. They heard the message in their own language, which is what amazed them (Acts 2:12). When the word "tongues" is used in the New Testament, it is always referring to an actual language(s) unless it's referring to the physical member.
Then in Acts 2:14, Peter starts his sermon. In Aramaic. So everyone in attendance could understand including the mockers from Acts 2:13. At the end of the sermon, 3000 people received Christ and were baptized. Nothing about them speaking in tongues.

I believe the sign of tongues in Acts served a practical purpose. It got the attention of the people who were there. They couldn't deny what happened. I don't think it had anything to do with a proof that they were saved or filled with the Holy Spirit. It's not a card you carry and pull out when someone asks you if you are a Christian. The gift of tongues was given to these people to allow them to minister to the people that they were with at the time. 1 Cor 12:11 tells us that the Holy Spirit distributes the gifts as he wills. Earlier in that chapter, Paul clearly states that there are different gifts, different offices and different effects of the gifts in the given situations. Verse 7 tells us that the gifts are given to benefit the whole body, not the individual. The gift of "unknown"tongues is covered more directly in 1 Cor 14. Basically, that gift is for the individual and does nothing for the church. It's private. In order for me to "prove I'm saved because I have tongues", I have to violate its very use. At the middle of that chapter, Paul downplays the gift of tongues saying he'd rather be able to speak five words that produces learning in others than ten thousand that benefit no one but himself.


For me, this says it all:
1Cor 12:1-31

The More Excellent Way in 1 Cor 12:31 is 1 Cor 13:1-13. No one’s gifts mean anything without love.


The worst thing is that Christians allow themselves to be divided over this. 1 Cor 14:1-40 asks the question of whether everyone has the same function in the body. No, we don't. Everyone has a unique purpose designed by God. And He has gifts for you to fulfill that purpose.

I'm going to close this with Eph 2:1-22. We are saved by Grace through Faith. We are all saved from the same separation from God by the same Jesus. Filled with the same Holy Spirit. We are to love one another and encourage one another to run the race that is set before us (Heb 12:1).  To press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Phil 3:14).



If you want to know if someone is a Christian, Jesus gave you a way to know. Recorded in John 13:35, Jesus said, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."



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