Having Done All, Stand. Eph 6:13

Wah, Wah, Wah. Boo hoo. Woe is me.

How's that?

In the post I just published, I mentioned Kelli's surgery was postponed, the dog bit my kid, I want to quit my job...what else?
Oh yeah, Josh and Elijah are sick. This is a parade of pain and sadness.
Got to fight with my neighbor again. Not the way I'd like. He runs in the house when I just stand there and accept his inevitable challenge. I'm not walking away anymore. If he wants to fight, so be it. I'm in. I'm done listening to him. And it's kinda funny to watch him walk as fast as he can into the house all the while telling me how he's going to come down and beat me up. I just wait a short time for him to come back out. He doesn't.
Today's fun was over a stake I put in the ground at the corner of the property. I should call it the hot corner. He's obsessed with that little part of my yard. He thinks its his or at least part of the right-of-way. He's wrong, of course. That corner actually marks the beginning of the right-of-way. So anyway, he piles his bagged leaves and piles of sticks right on the line. He has a small boulder that he rolled there. During the winter, he leaves that stuff there. So, I need a tall stake that I can use as a reference when snow-blowing. I don't want to hit that rock. It'll damage my snow blower. So I put the stake there. He went nuts the second I was out there. I don't think I hit it twice with the hammer before he came out. Naturally he told me I'd have to move it when he got his dumpster this weekend. Been hearing about the dumpster for maybe two years now. I don't have to move it because the dumpster can't go where the stake is...it's my property and no dumpster is going there. The funniest part of the whole thing is he says I'm blocking the right-of-way. The stake I put in is about 4 inches from the boulder he put there last summer. So even if I did remove the stake, his boulder is still there. What's interesting is I hardly care anymore. Used to be I'd be all stressed out for a couple days. Not now. I figure he might do something to my car or maybe pull the stake out like he did before. Whatever. I took a picture of the stake in the ground so I have a reference. That was funny too. He went ballistic when I took the picture.
So we have that nonsense and then the boys come home. Kelli and I are planning child care for tomorrow. The she calls the Dr to see if she can take her pain meds through the night. The topic of thrush comes up and he tells her she can't have surgery while she has thrush. She couldn't be more disappointed.
Then Josh says he is tired. Take his temp, yup...fever. AWESOME! Elijah too. Why not?

Lily...what to do? I want to get rid of her. She stresses me out under the best circumstances. Now she's bit one of my kids. She's always been stubborn. Now she's becoming possessive. I don't like it. We have a family that is interested in her. But Kelli doesn't want to give her up just yet. We need to talk.

But, we're still here. God is still God. And I'm not giving up. I have in the past. I'd tell God he sucks because He isn't doing what I want. He can't be real if my life is going this wrong. Or He just doesn't care about me. I'm trying to learn what I can now. I know I will learn later.

I am too tired to think. Goodnight.


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Oct. 16
This is a pretty rough time for me and mine. Spring was a pretty good time for us. The Lord worked a miracle and we were able to get our home updated...roof, siding, windows, fence, the shower wall fixed. I got a decent raise at work so we got rid of my car, which I was learning to hate, and got Kelli a mini-van. Wow, that thing is amazing. Totally love it. As the summer wore on, things got more stressful. Of course, the neighbor could only hold out so long. Flipping us off, cursing at Kelli. I reported him to the police. We were going to go to a lawyer, but never did. At this point, I'm not going to bother. He can curse all he wants. I've called him out twice and he won't come. So, he's just gonna spew his garbage and nothing more.
Kelli and I have fought a lot. Don't really have a good reason. I guess I'm more stressed than normal. Work is horrible. I have 2 full time jobs. One of them, Reticle Engineer, I started in March. It's supposed to be a part time job if you ask management. Though they admit it can't actually be done part time. But that's what it is on the books. Even still, I own one of the most difficult processes in Lithography. So how could I add even a part time job to that? But that's how it is. For me and for many of my co-workers. I really like the Reticle job. I don't really care any more. I LOVE my job. More than any I've ever had. And I love my manager. So, I'll feel bad if I leave, but I want a job that I don't bring home. One that doesn't ask me to make million dollar decisions for a salary that's barely adequate for the Hudson Valley.
So while all that's going on, our dog has developed some sort of allergy. She can't stop chewing/licking herself..mostly paws. So, she's been wearing a cone and taking meds since mid-August. And she hasn't learned a thing since we got her in June. I don't like this dog. She stresses me out. We'll keep her because Kelli and the kids like her. I have no patience for a dog. So, of course, we're dog sitting this weekend. A 9-week-old lab. She's peed and pooped in the house several times. You can imagine how that works in my head.
UPDATE: Oct 19. So, Lily bit Elijah in the face last night. It might have been her claw, can't really tell. He's fine. Small cut under his eye. One on his lip. The rest looks like a scrape. Now I want to hit the dog with a shovel...but I won't. There is one family that is interested in her, but Kelli isn't sure she wants to get rid of the dog.
My 5-year-old is still insane. Jumping, spinning, falling all day, every day. Now he's got something going on where he's wetting his pants and bed. He doesn't even seem to care. He'll sit in his wet pants til we notice.
The 2-year-old is in a big-boy bed, which is exciting. He still isn't sleeping through the night. That's why we put him in the big-boy bed. See, Kelli is sick.
Kelli has been battling back pain for a few weeks. I thought it might be from sitting on the couch and turning her body 90-degrees to use the computer. Not great for your spine. Then she started having abdominal pain. Finally she couldn't take it any more and we went to the emergency room (she wouldn't make a Dr appt). After much testing and two or three Dr appts, she found out her gall bladder isn't working any more. So, she'll have to have surgery next week.
UPDATE: Oct. 19. Kelli's surgery has been postponed due to the thrush she got for taking an antibiotic last week. Another week like this for her.
In the middle of that, I backed Kelli's shiny, black van into a pole at the mall. So, had to take that in for repairs. $600 by the time we're done with the rental. Funny thing is, I probably could have gotten away without the rental. I've been working from home for the past week to take care of the kids and chauffeur Kelli around. I think I've done 15 loads of laundry in the past week. I'm down to 2 or 3 loads. I'd really like to finish them today. Declare victory in one thing. Of course I haven't put my or Kelli's clothes away. But they are folded neatly-ish. It's an improvement.
I'm basically losing my mind. My body is wrecked. I haven't been to church in 2 weeks.

Not to be selfish, but do you ever wonder if the trials someone close to you might be as much or more for your benefit? I was talking to a good friend the other day about this. I wonder if my family isn't going through this just to teach me to give up. I give up all the time. I tell God, "I can't do this. I can't take any more. I can't carry any more weight." "I know," He says. "You know this stuff...
Mat 11:28  Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Mat 11:30  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

I do know that. I just don't know how to apply it. I'm used to carrying the weight of my world. Giving it up feels like quitting or shirking. Not my style. But, you know, rest sounds pretty good.


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I'm not sure if I've written about this before. But those who know me know the story. I have a difficult neighbor. He flat out hates everything. Ever met anyone like that? Not just unhappy. Driven to make others miserable. Usually we say his life didn't turn out the way he planned and he's taking it out on everyone. That could be. If I say it that way, I feel a little more justified disliking him...makes it his fault. However, if you consider the demon possessed boy in Mark 9, perhaps it's something more. I don't want to suggest necessarily that my neighbor is demon possessed though he could be, but he's at least oppressed.
He reminds me of my step-father. A life-long drinker and drug addict who was given to fits of rage. The only time he was calm was when he smoked his pot. At any other time, he was mad because he wasn't high and had to think about how his life was going or he was drunk and unpredictable and sometimes violent. That might have a lot to do with my reaction to my neighbor...they are very similar personalities. I grew up watching my back, tiptoeing around wondering what was next. On a side note, I don't feel bad about my childhood. God has used it to help me connect with troubled teens. It's eye-opening for someone with a tough home to say to me, "You don't know what it's like" (I'm an average, nerd kinda guy) and be able to say that you really do and share a bit of your experience with them. Helps them to know they aren't alone. They aren't worthless. They don't have to stay broken. They are loved and understood. I hope He uses it again. One soul saved is worth it.

Look at Mark 9:14-30. The spirit caused the boy to be totally out of his own control. Wallowing on the ground, gnashing his teeth. Mk 9:18 says "wheresoever it taketh him, it dasheth him down;" How hopeless sounding. No matter where the boy looked or went, he was going down. It also says the spirit caused him to pine away. Webster's defines pining this way, "1. To languish; to lose flesh or wear away under any distress of anxiety of mind; 2. To languish with desire; to waste away with longing for something." I've heard my neighbor screaming at his dogs from inside the house. Screaming at (or about) us. He talks to his dead mother. Another neighbor heard him carry on a 30 minute conversation with his mother the other day. A couple days ago, his hose burst. Our other neighbor went over to tell him that water was going everywhere and he came out, saw the hose and started screaming and ranting. Then he gets on the phone and yells at whoever, I think it was his wife, that he's sick of us wrecking his stuff, coming on his property, and on and on...none of which is true of course. I've never seen him happy.

In Mark 9:19, Jesus says of the boy, "bring him to me." In Mark 9:29, Jesus says of the tormenting spirit, "this kind can come out by nothing, save by prayer." I notice He didn't say that only He, Jesus, could deliver this man. That we mere humans could do nothing. He didn't pat the disciples on the head and say, "That's okay. You could never have done this." We can pray. All the things Jesus did, He did through prayer and the Holy Spirit. The same Holy Spirit who indwells us. The same power is accessible to us. Phil 4:13, " I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

My wife and I have been collecting evidence to see if we can get a restraining order or order of protection against him. My wife gets pretty frightened sometimes when she's here without me. We've got police reports from the calls we've made. Videos of him making threatening and obscene gestures. We could probably get character witnesses too...it's not just us that he doesn't like. It's the whole neighborhood. I often feel trapped between the need to protect my family from what he might do and my questions about how to show him God's love. He's completely unreasonable so I can't talk to him directly. Jesus went on being Jesus and loving people right in front of the pharisees who were always after Him. He was never dissuaded or distracted by them.
My neighbor's obviously tormented and not under his own control much of the time. Whether by choice from drinking or because he's being demonically oppressed, he's a troubled man. Jesus prayed for the troubled and tormented.

That's where I find myself tonight. I have this evidence. I could take it to a lawyer and bring my neighbor to the judge. Or I could pray...I mean really pray like I've never done before and bring him to Jesus.


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Everyone's writing about it...why shouldn't I? Harold Camping has predicted May 21, 2011 as the rapture. Doubtful. Though, it could be tomorrow. I see no reason why it can't be. Most people are saying it can't be because Mr. Camping said it is. I don't think that disqualifies the day as if the Father is in heaven going, "Oh, great. Now I have to change the day. Good thing I was the only one who knew. At least I don't have to un-tell anyone." If he were right, doesn't change a thing. Harold Camping won't be standing at heaven's gate saying, "I told you so." It would amount to a lucky guess. But then, maybe God won't allow anyone to publicly guess the date and make a mockery of His Word to those who are left. Those who are left are pretty likely to make a mockery anyway.
Isn't it fun to see what goes on in my head all day?
Anyway, despite not believing Mr. Camping, I find myself asking if I'm actually ready. And then Bible study on Wednesday...same thing (and WOW, I'm so grateful that Nick is with us.).
Does God use people like Mr. Camping to remind us to look up? I get really busy with everyday life. I study the Bible. I go to church. I serve. But am I looking for Jesus through all that? I'm really not...not like I should. I ABSOLUTELY want Him to rescue me. Especially lately at work. I'm in a "I hate my job" cycle right now. There is way too much to do and the company knows it and flat out does not care. When I ask for help setting priorities and expectations I get almost no answer. So, I want Jesus to call me home. But not because I want to be with Him. Or not just because. That's where I want my heart to be. Wanting just Jesus. Just because He's the savior of my soul. Not because He can rescue me from my current troubles.
I've never been one to sit and ponder Heaven. I'm not sure why. I tend to be a pragmatist. It's how my mind works. But that gets in the way of what could be an amazing time of fellowship with the Lord. Contemplating and meditating on eternity with God. In His presence. Worshiping Him. Surrounded by His love. I mean...is there anything "practical" about that? No. But is it amazing? Encouraging? Worth thinking about? Uh, YES!

So, thanks (sorta) Mr. Camping. While you are totally wrong about so many things with respect to your prediction, perhaps you made some people think more seriously about the Rapture and how we are indeed approaching the end of the world.

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My wife and I recently refinanced our home to get away from an evil bank and have our mortgage at the bank we use. So I had to call the insurance company for some paperwork. I met the nicest lady on the phone. Her name is Pat. We were lamenting technology while we waited for her computer to catch up with her request and I mentioned that I still write with paper and pencil when I study the Bible. When she heard me say that, she asked if I was a believer, to which I replied, "Yes." So we talked about how the Lord brings people into our lives every day and how that can be so encouraging sometimes. When I mentioned that I teach a Bible Study at work, we started talking about witnessing at work. Apparently some of her friends get kinda militant and tell her she should be standing in the aisles shouting, "Repent!" She disagrees. Me too. My Bible sits on my desk and I read it during lunch, when I get a lunch. I don't tend to hit people with it. I'd rather be an example. Be the best employee I can be. Be compassionate to coworkers. Handle the stress without a meltdown.
That's what Pat is like. She was completely polite, helpful and cheerful while we were on the phone...and that was before she knew I was a Christian. And she left me with what she calls a Pat-ism. While her friends were telling her that she should be shouting from the rooftops, she reminded them that...
"I've never known a light bulb to make a sound."


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I wasn't going to go to church this morning. I'm really not feeling well. But, my middle son was singing a song with the Sunday School class, so I wanted to go. I'm glad I did (as usual).

Pastor is going through the Gospel of Mark. We're nearing the end. He was teaching chapter 15 today. Mostly concentrating on the utterly ridiculous "trial" of Jesus before Pilate. I mean, please. The chief priests violated nearly every rule of the Jewish law surrounding trials and accusations. Toward the end of service, Pastor talked a little about the scourging of Jesus.He didn't go into it much other than to ask, "Why the scourging when Jesus was going to be crucified?" Why did the Father allow him to be scourged as well? There's quite a bit of prophecy talking about it, so you know it has to happen. But why? Pastor gave the answer I have heard whenever the question is asked. "Because that is what my sin deserved." While I agree, I think there's more. When I watched the Passion - which I can't get through - I was sickened by the beating and scourging scene. Not the blood. With any movie which has a scene like that in it, there's one in Casino too where a guy gets beaten nearly to death with a bat, for some reason the part that gets me is I associate with the victim. You know, imagining what the person must be going through. Don't ask me why I do this, I have no idea. In the Passion, they show Jesus being beaten with rods and then the scourging. He's basically turned to hamburger. And at one point, I thought it was over until they show the guard (or whoever he is) motion to turn Jesus over and continue the scourging to his belly. When that part started, I couldn't watch. What came to mind was not only why did He do this for me, but, "How does one human being do that to another?" Pilate's motivation may have been to try to get the priests to relent, but the men doing the scourging simply didn't care. Perhaps they used the excuse that they were following orders. But scripture says they mocked, spit, punched, etc. They enjoyed it.
And I think that's one reason why Jesus was scourged. To demonstrate what man without God is capable of. We are NOT moral. We do NOT have any good in us. Only in the absence of God could a man disregard one of God's creations in such a way.
And then God began to point out to me how I treat my kids. Especially my eldest. I yell a lot. They misbehave, I yell. God told me that when I do that, I am scourging my kids. I am thinking of myself and what I want them to do or how I want them to act. They don't need to be treated that way. Yes, it's my job to discipline them and to raise them to be respectful, obedient, etc. But I am the grown up and a mature Christian. I should be demonstrating the fruits of the Spirit even in disciplining the kids.
They are God's creation and need guidance, not a scourging.


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